May 2012
3 posts
“Ah, so I see FB is being redundant as ever. Repeat posts to tell me who I know commented/liked posts that are already in my feed. Signing out of this ridiculousness.”
“It’s the little things in life that really make me happy…like finally having enough time today to shave my legs! I feel like a new person!”
“My hard boiled eggs have been retaining water. The eggs must have been meant to be female chicks!” [That is revolting. -Ed.]
April 2012
5 posts
“These teenagers these days (wow I sound old) are so different than when we were in middle school, it amazes me. Shocking, what’s wrong with parents?????”
“There is an attorney who is on many of our cases, and his assistant is a very nice young girl who I have dealt with on many occasions. She seems very capable, but I have also always suspected she is very young. I believe my suspicions were confirmed when I just called to tell her that they failed to file a document and her response was, ‘fudge.’ She then went on to say that...
“sorry for the distribution of negativity on fb (not really) but i hate everything today.”
“I hate that the lady on my answering system at the office tells me, ‘you have one new message, would you like to hear it?’ it’s like… no, i’m just checking my voicemail for the heck of it.”
"Signs of Possible Snobbery: A Partially... →
“This message makes no sense and those are not my initials, but thank you for what appear to be the good wishes.”
March 2012
8 posts
“Just got my son his free Mickey Mouse 25th edition ears from the Disney store. You all should if seen me speed walking through the mall like a Mad Women trying to get this before they ran out. HAHAHA.. I got there just in the nick of time because they only had 3 ears left. Whelp I guess I got my workout in for the day!!!”
“really seriously effing tired of spending all my rare spare time off moving. like, REALLY fucking tired of it.”
“Target trip and first mow of the year done…productive Friday afternoon!” [This makes me want to die. I may be the one with the problem. -Ed.]
“One thing I’ve learned in life:
No one, and I mean NO one, cares if you are tired. Never. They never care.”
[WORD. -Ed.]
“Could care less about ST Patricks day haha is that bad?!?” [Bryan loooooves the expression “could care less” so I want to make sure he doesn’t miss this one!!!!]
“Another case of being overly sensitive. So far, Gays and the Irish are on my shit list for this month, haha.” [HAHA. -Ed.]
“I’ve never been pregnant so I can’t personally speak of how uncomfortable being very pregnant can be but I can imagine it’s not pleasant. This is why I can’t get over seeing pictures of Jessica Simpson walking around in super high heels when she looks like she could deliver any day. It seems ridiculous to me, there is a time when comfort should be more important than...
February 2012
7 posts
“I felt like this Corvette was trying to race me this morning. Considering I have a Focus that would be like an Olympic track star asking me to race…there’s no competition! To be honest, I wouldn’t be running competition to anyone except a baby that’s just learning to walk!”
“Can’t seem to get enough sleep lately. I have gone to sleep 3 times this week at or before 10 o’clock, and still I’m tired every day!”
“couple thoughts. #1, i should probably consume something other than coffee…. #2, just because someone is ‘part of this community’ doesn’t make them a decent human being. just sayin’.”
“Facebook, What book? Slutbook? They need to call this f#ck book. Picture looking good but in person Yuckbook. Hellbook, Yellbook, B#tchs cant Spell book. Hate behind your back, but in person wish you Wellbook. Glitchbook, Snitchbook, Fake family Listbook. Posting on your page, stealing your B#tchbook. Rudebook, Feudbook, tell your every Movebook. Dont need TV, sh#t is here: Newsbook!!...
“How many different flavors of Cheerios are they going to come out with?! They’re ruining a classic” [There are currently 13 flavors of Cheerios; one is dulce de leche. -Ed.]
January 2012
9 posts
“The real question is whether our citizenry has the maturity and largeness of mind to accept the idea of government that is not chartered to be our Mom, knowing all our business and ordering us to share the toys. Such a government would have, for starters, a lot less to do. It would cost us less, and be less exploitable by demagogues and special interests. That would be OK with me – I can go...
“No more eating right before bed. I had one of those really vivid dreams that was too good to be true, then “woke up” in my dream with evidence that it was not a dream, then went to sleep. Woke up really confused, then really disappointed. Now, it’s kinda funny that my mind is so good at tricking me. =/”
“homeless people, don’t say god bless me.”
“‘A woman is only a woman but a good cigar is a smoke’ haha” [HAHA. -Ed.]
“Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit!” [GIVE ME ALL YOUR...
“Loving Piers Morgan’s interview with President Carter. I simply love Carter—he will always be my favorite president.” [No offense to President Carter, but this is boring as shit. -Ed.]
“Observation(s) for Monday:
I would like more sleep.”
“im always like hmmm i want a girlfriend… but then i realize what girl in there right mind would want to exercise hike, bike, urban explore and party the way i do w out being a puss or a drag on my day lol”
“walked mary baby all around sumner neighborhood shes such a campus cutie ? my pitty… a fckn lil pussy magnet is what she is ;)”
[I have removed the...
December 2011
11 posts
“One of my new favorite things is looking at food ‘porn.’ Just go to google images and type in chili dogs or nachos and you’ll see what I’m talking about”
“Once I read a message I either archive, reply, or delete it. If it sits in my inbox it’s just one more thing I have to remember to do later. (I will flag a message for later if I don’t immediately have time to reply.)”
“People are so stupid when they bid on something on e bay days before the auction is over!! Duh, people are just going to outbid you and make the price go high!!!”
“why the fuck can’t adults join a conference call on time?” [Fair. -Ed.]
“don’t try to teach a pig to sing. first of all, they don’t know how, and second, if you do, it’ll irritate the pig.”
“‘The Help’ - I want it on dvd!!!”
“Just so everyone knows, I have a CHRISTMAS TREE in my living room (not a holiday tree), my kids are getting CHRISTMAS PRESENTS (not holiday gifts) and we will eat CHRISTMAS DINNER (not a holiday meal), and I will attend a CHRISTMAS PARTY (not a holiday party). I will also very cheerfully wish you a MERRY CHRISTMAS! (not… happy holidays). By the way,if you want to have a Happy...
“All people care about are the deals and getting more gifts than the next person. Disgusting!!! That is not the meaning of Christmas…smh!”
“Kinda like how black friday being the day after a holiday where we r supposed to realize and give thanks for all that we r blessed to have……shows how greedy, superficial and rude people can b. Great message we r teaching the next generation!!!”
“Today is a sad day, I’m going to return half the stuff I bought for myself on my shopping spree last weekend! I’ve come to my senses and realized I really don’t need to have all of it! Looking at my credit card statement helped me make this tough decision!”
“We were just Christmas shopping, I realized by everyone’s annoyance with eachother and rudeness how nobody remembers the meaning of Christmas, it’s actually pretty disgusting. Everyone is so greedy and teaching their kids the same # it’smoregiftsthatmatter”
November 2011
35 posts
“I’ve decided that today should be national ‘stop being a coward’ day. Quit avoiding ‘friends’ & pointing fingers. If there’s someone in your life whom with you’ve a bone to pick, just confront them & quit tip toeing & backtalking. I’d rather someone told me the truth (even if it hurt my feelings) than hear it after...
“reflecting on the wisdom of The Chuck ‘sometimes we’ve got a big sh#t sandwich and we all have to take a bite’. rough decisions today…. :(“
“Christmas Ale is taking up a lot of counter space in my apartment. Because it is heaven.” [This one is mine. -Ed.]
“Dear Dr. Pepper 10: Fuck you, ‘not for women.’ how about ‘women not for dr. pepper’ assholes.”
“Dear Salvation Army Bell Ringer, My notebook, work gloves and logo’d jacket indicate that I am a vendor and thus in and out of grocery stores all day. And while I support your mission, Christmas wishes prior to Thanksgiving piss me off. So, since I’ll be passing you about a hundred times a week for the next month, please be advised, the next 300 lb. dirty Santa looking guy...
“Nothing like college burrito at 2am after the bars then waking up and having it again for breakfast lol”
“Billie Mays’ beard”